Nightmares

I have been on my job for a month already.

I am right now a women’s worker for a Women's Support Project, which aims at providing support for Chinese women in the UK who are victims of domestic violence and relationship breakdown, and raising awareness and understanding of the issues of domestic violence and other women’s issues in the Chinese community.

What I had done has been a nightmare to me. I cannot imagine how I have been passed through this month. Facing total different job nature, working in an unfamiliar environment, handling complicated family issues, grasping as much as I can on the benefit systems, the job almost made me crazy and overwhelmed my whole life! Tears and tiredness be with me every day. I have never been such exhausted in work.

What are my job descriptions indeed? I have to advise clients on housing, welfare, employment, legal, immigration and health issues, to accompany them dealing with those matters and make the necessary referrals; to provide emotional support, to keep up to date on changes in legislation and statutory benefits that affect Chinese women, to manage volunteer training and supervision; and assist in raising funds as well. WOOOOO!!! Quite a lot!! I know nothing in all these areas! I am so frightened that my ignorance would make worse of the clients' lives! I feel so stressful!

When I met the clients, I found that I had strong counter-transference from time to time. I felt really pain in the process. The clients' stories let me see the cruelty of the real world. It is not so easy to face the dark side of human nature. Be honest, I do not really want to do this job (who loves to see danger and hurts every day?), but I “believe” that it is part of my UK training -- God may use it to heal me thoroughly regardless of how much I can offer to others.

If so, how can I say NO then? Of course, I know that I have choice in every bit of my life. I nonetheless trust that God is preparing good things for me in this job. How stubborn am I! What I can do is to try my best, and try my best, until the day I cannot bear anymore. May God protect my clients as well as me from any harm and danger.

A passage in Bible does give me great encouragement:

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us - trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us - he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!
(2 Corinthians 4:7-12)

Dear friends, may you also find strength in your work when you feel down.
“While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!”